Madoka's Sky
by czxcjx123
Summary: A short tale about Madoka & Homura (post-Rebellion), inspired by the philosophy of Subarashiki Hibi.


Under the bluest sky, I was reading a book, while listening to Fleetwood Mac on a music player.

The calm azure sky. Words jostling around in my memory. Music entering my ear. Lying on the floor.

 _Now here you go again_  
 _You say you want your freedom_  
 _Well, who am I to keep you down?_  
 _It's only right that you should_  
 _Play the way you feel it_  
 _But listen carefully to the sound_  
 _Of your loneliness_

 _Like a heartbeat.. drives you mad_  
 _In the stillness of remembering what you had_  
 _And what you lost..._  
 _And what you had..._  
 _And what you lost_

Listening to music with this kind of lyrics on a perfectly fine Friday afternoon, on the school roof. It reeked of self-pity.

The motionless and unchangeable blue sky - Despite being a part of this paper world, solely created by me. It felt larger than anything that was inside me.

This paper world that was the exact length and breadth of my love.

A looming shadow fell over my face.

In other words, it was another face - blocking the blue azure of the sky.

This face was the face of Madoka Kaname.

"Ah... Homura - found you!"

Light smile.

I turned the other way, facing away from her.

"I'm being ignored?!"

"I'm watching you with my back."

"That doesn't make me feel better..."

Madoka, being Madoka, sat next to me. She hugged her knees.

"The sky is so blue today."

I turned back, and looked at her. She continued:

"When I look at a sky this blue, I think about a lot of things - I don't know why."

"Blue is a color that makes you think?"

"Uhmm... not really. But I think this blue. But stuff like the blue of Sayaka's hair makes me feel happy."

I thought a bit.

"Are you a Christian?"

"I - don't think so?"

"Don't think so? How can you _not_ think so?"

"I've been to church - once. And that was because of Sakura - so does that make me _like_ 1% Christian?!"

"I don't think religion works in percentiles..."

"But why do you ask?"

I closed my eyes, because my mind was filled with a lot of things.

"If the blue of the sky makes you think - then it would be thinking about Heaven, wouldn't it?"

"Heaven?"

"Like a _huge_ thing. _Huger_ than yourself. That contains everything around you within it. Even death. Even love."

"No - actually. I think about life."

"Life?"

"Everyday life. Like going to school, or doing homework, or having fun with all of you. I think that maybe, the sky is always above me - always watching. So it feels like - an angel protecting everyday life? Does that sound right?"

"An angel..."

Somehow, I felt as though I had to reply with - a bit of honesty.

"I think it feels more like a devil."

"So gloomy..."

"That's right. I'm eternally gloomy - aren't I?"

"I think, though, that I'm used to that Homura-trait."

"Homura-trait?"

"If a person is gloomy - doesn't that mean that they care more about the world around them. So much that they feel sad because of it?"

"I think - though - that you care more about the world than I do..."

She shook her head vigorously.

"Nonononoo - I'm very selfish. Like when I'm waiting in a queue I think things like - couldn't this go _any_ faster? And when I'm on the train, and some kids are screaming or something... I think things like - where are their parents? Why are they so badly behaved? Even _though_ I know they're children."

" ...such low standards for selfishness."

"And, most selfishly, I don't ever want to be separated from my life with _any_ of you. Even if some angel were to come down and say - Madoka Kaname - aren't you supposed to be saving the world? I would say - but give me 15 minutes... I'm hanging out with Homura!"

Light smile. Heart-wrenching smile.

"So you'd still go after 15 minutes?"

"When that deadline comes - then maybe I'll say... Waitwaitwait - how about _30 minutes_?"

"But, after 30, and after 40, and after 60 - you couldn't say - give me Eternity will you?"

"Well... if it's the world. I wouldn't be able to. But - I'd definitely tell you. I'm going to save the world! Wait for me!"

"What if... I told you that I couldn't wait for you. And that I was going to die - if you went away, and..."

Wait. Wasn't that a _totally_ straight-up confession?

I blushed.

"But Homura isn't going to die - is she?"

She didn't notice.

"Ah - I'm going to die all right. I'm going to be _perpetually_ irritated to death, thanks to you."

"What did I do?!"

"Nevermind!"

I turned over again. Facing away.

But then, the words came to my ear.

"But... if Homura was going to die - then I would probably do everything I could to help her. Even if it meant not saving the world."

"Don't be silly."

"Huh?"

"If you don't save the world - then we'll both die - won't we?"

"Isn't that bad? Then either way I can't save you..."

Her voice, at that moment, was cracking with a slight sadness.

"You don't have to save such a hypocritical person."

"Hypocritical?"

"Have you heard of Akutagawa Ryunosuke's 'Demon'? A short story."

"I have no clue... but he's like some old writer right?"

"Brother Organtino - an exorcist, is called to help protect a noblewoman from a demon. Eventually he catches the demon. But he's surprised - the demon has a beautiful face, unlike anything he has heard in the books of witchcraft and dark magic. So he questions the demon - why did you want to attack the noblewoman? And the demon replied - that he was driven to corrupt her, but he was also in love with her purity. The more he wanted to protect her purity, the more his desire grew within him to corrupt her. In the end, purity and corruption became mixed up in his mind. A pitiful, lonely, demon."

What was the look on her face when I said that?

Stirring heart.

"But - I don't think that's hypocritical."

"Huh?"

"Hypocrisy - that means that you don't do what you say - right?'

"But... he said he wanted to protect her, and yet he..."

"That's right - but there's a word he can say. Then he wouldn't be a hypocrite."

"A word?"

"He could have said - I loved her."

Silence. The blue sky.

"Whether protection, or corruption - if he said he loved her. The demon wouldn't be a hypocrite. No matter what he did - he loved her. Or - does that sound too weird?"

The ever-enduring blue sky. That was larger than my heart. This blue sky - you could say that I made it with my own hands. After all - I was the demiurge of the paper world.

The paper cage chaining Madoka.

But was that the case?

"Is the sky really blue? Or is it that way because it's far away?"

"Huh?"

"To me, the sky looks blue. But how does it look to you - Madoka? How does it look up close?"

"I think it looks blue to me too though..."

"How can you look... at such a perceptibly fake and hypocritical sky... and say that such a sky was real..."

"Why are you crying?"

"A _stupidly stupidly_ fake perceptibly unreal hypocritical sky... a paper theatre..."

A cradle of warmth. I felt her lap at the back of my head.

"I don't really know why you're sad - but, such a thing like a fake sky. I still think it's happy."

"Happy?"

"Like, some kids looking at a puppet-show. I saw that once. It was made by one of the clubs in our school, I think. I forgot where I saw it - but it was the kind of level you expect from a school. So the paints were runny, and the puppets were all made of old cloth. So I was thinking - isn't that going to be bad? Those badly made puppets - and you're showing them to kids! Still - all of the kids completely fell into the story... And they saw the hero, and the villain, and the princess - and they cheered and laughed and even cried at times... and I was thinking that such a thing could happen because, behind the run-down set and the badly made puppets, were real feelings. Feelings that were wishing for happiness and wanted everything to fall together right. So, happiness can come from fake things."

And, saying that, she lightly ran her hand down the side of my face, wiping away the tears.

"In other words - real or fake things, and things that exist or don't exist - which means _Everything_ can make you happy. So shouldn't you just live happily?"

That was right. Either way - I could never win against Madoka.

"One day - the world may need to be saved... and it may be my fault, and you won't be able to save me..."

"Well, when that time comes - it'll come. But, before it comes, I'll just wish all the time - _give me Eternity, won't you_?"

I stood up.

"Okay, let's go."

"Huh... suddenly? Wait a moment, you're leaving your book here? What is this anyway... Tractatus..."

"Forget about it. It's a weird and stupid and meaningless book. I have no idea why I was trying to read it."

"Okay..."

"Let's go."

I left the roof. She followed me.

And, while leaving - I remembered the strange words that I read in that book.

The sense of the world must lie outside the world. The world itself contains no sense.

In other words - my sense of the world went beyond this sky. To the bluest blue of the farthest sky.

The sense of my Love. The sense of my Life.

Madoka's Sky.


End file.
